He wants ALL of us

I have come through an experience the last two weeks that has left me feeling embarrassed to the core and very exposed, yet through it all I have realized that is exactly what God wanted. This is an area of my life, that while obvious to close friends and family, is something I have talked very little about and never addressed.

So here goes. I am a chronic job-hopper. Since getting my first job at the age of 16 (24 years ago, oh my) I have bounced from job to job, to self- employment and unemployment, quickly growing bored and restless and rarely lasting more than a year. I also had this tendency with other commitments. The fact I have been at the same address for 12 years and with the same man for 16 just goes to show God did know what He was doing partnering me with someone who balances me out.

In a person's early 20's, this could be expected, at 40, it's most likely called attention deficit disorder. The ADD, coupled with clinical depression, made stability a real challenge for me, but instead of being honest with that, I made more and more desperate attempts to hide it. I found it humiliating and often had no explanation as to why I behaved the way I did. Are you familiar with Romans 7:19 in which Paul laments "19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing." That was me.

The company I received an offer from two weeks ago discovered my attempts to hide my past instability by stretching dates of employment. My past instinct would have said forget about them and try scamming someone else. The Holy Spirit said otherwise. I was instructed to write them a note apologizing for my omission and to try to explain it. I didn't get a clear sense on whether they would still be willing to hire me. I was expected to act in obedience and let God worry about the outcome.

Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. (Ironically, this was the theme of a Beth Moore conference I attended about a week and a half ago.) I was desperate for work; it has been over a year since I worked steadily and I had received dozens of rejections in that time from other companies. Yet, I was outright admitting to them that I had lied. I couldn't outrun my past anymore. Whatever the outcome, I had to start being honest with people, so without excuse, I did just that.

In deep humility, I am happy to say I still got the job and I start on August 5. This is absolutely and act of grace and mercy that happened only by being obedient to the Holy Spirit. I have come clean that I faced significant mental health challenges and lived to tell about it. I can't help but think that I will be a testimony to this company. They have to wonder how I got well and, if given the opportunity, I will tell them: By surrendering my life fully to Christ.